A quick disclaimer: don't think I'm not beyond words excited...I am!! Just trying to be honest and I'd like to think I'm not the only one who's ever felt this way...
Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited to see her sweet face and meet this little miracle, but I'm not in any rush. It's not that I'm scared and want to avoid labor/delivery...I'm actually oddly not worried. It won't be fun, but my body was made for this and women have been doing it forever...I'll survive.
I think I've enjoyed pregnancy and there's part of me that's sad it's almost over...crazy I know. I love bonding with her and feel her move around. I love my body pregnant. We women spend so much time picking ourselves apart, hating our less-than-skinny parts...for the first time, I'm completely happy with my body and how it looks. It's doing exactly what it's supposed to right now and I love it.
I think I'm also anxious about how much our lives are about to change. Again, don't get me wrong, I know it's going to be the best change ever and I'm so excited for this next chapter in our life, but there's a part of me that realizes that life is simply not going to be the same. I'm so glad we had over 5 years of marriage for just the two of us. We've been able to build a great foundation for this growing family. We've had so much fun traveling and experiencing life together. I love my husband more than ever and I'm so looking forward to sharing our life with our daughter. I know she'll enhance us in ways I can't imagine. At the same time, it's strange to think it'll no longer be just Brad and I. We've been a two man team for so long and part of me is a little sad to give that up.
It's so strange because as much as I know life is going to change (I'm in no way in denial of that fact), I know I can't fully comprehend what that really means until I'm there. I can only be so prepared and that's really hard for me. I love to do my research before going somewhere new or making a big decision. I can spend hours on the internet looking up all the options, pros/cons and other peoples' opinions. Having a baby is totally different. No matter how much research I do, there's no way I can fully prepare for what's in store...that makes me anxious! I'm once again learning to fully trust in God and his plan for us. Reminding myself that He has it all in control, gives me all the confidence I need.
So, for the next 8 days, or however long we have left, I'm going to enjoy every minute of my hubby and this pregnancy. And once she arrives, I know it'll all come together, I'll experience a love like no other and I'll have a hard time remembering what it was I was so worried about. And for that, I can't wait!
I know exactly what you mean and had all those same feelings before Joslyn got her. It's one of the reason I liked having a planned c-section because I knew exactly when Baby Z would get here and could prepare msyelf mentally, lol. But you're right, you can only prepare so much because you don't know what life is going to be like until that little one is here. But in the end (and I'm writing this on only 4 hours of sleep, lol), all the sacrifice and change is so worth it! There is nothing like seeing your daughter's face for the first time! I can't wait to see pictures of your beautiful baby girl!
ReplyDeleteOh and one more piece of advice, go on a date with Brad this week! A movie or dinner...enjoy the dates while you can!
ReplyDeleteYou are perfectly right to feel exactly how you feel and it's a blessing that you can be so honest. I was not instantly in love with having a baby, especially since I had NO CLUE how to take care of one! Thank God for Aunt Nancy who walked along side of me. I think Deanna turned out as lovely and beautiful as she is, in part because of Nancy's advice, love and patience with me as I learned to be comfortable with being a mom. You are already so much more prepared than I was. When Brad came along after Deanna - it was a piece of cake! :-)You are going to be a an awesome mom and wonderful parents! Love, mom
ReplyDelete